how can you stay away from getting hurt? all my life i've been trying to shield myself from pain and the people who've hurt me are the ones i deeply love. that is more painful. if you are not hurt, then you are not loving. can i just put a lock on my super bruiced heart. i want a total transformation of myself. how can i do that? if only i can delete something. i dont talk to anybody regarding how i feel. how things are going. what's goin on in my mind. what's hurting me, anything that is painful i dont talk about it to people? why? because i dont know how to open up. i was 9 when mom left to work abroad, dad has been there physically but doesnt care at all. he was always out and left me with my 4 sisters to take care of. the hardships as a child, taught me to be distant and self restraint. i dont know how to argue and people see it as a negative trate. they just dont understand. i was always crying when i was growing up. i dont remember being happy while i was growing up. people just come and go in my young life. i 've heard a  lot of goodbyes when i was growing up. it was pretty normal to me already, though it was really painful but at an early age i have learned to accept things with an open heart. in  my young mind and heart i told myself  "whatever makes them happy". i've learned to just depend on myself and not to anybody. i thought i have found the joy that i have been longing for all my life. but it was just all pretentions and false promises. now as i looked back, i've realized that, none is really permanent in this world. and i am right that you only have yourself to depend on. you will never do something that'll hurt you but people will hurt you one way or another. i know i will carry this memory with me all through my life, and these will serve as a reminder to myself. i trust GOD that HE will always protect me just as HE  always do..