jan.27,2010

Today felt both heavy and happy.  I find the peace and certainty that i've been longing..and finally my road is sraight again and i know now i only have to look forward.  I might look behind but only to remember memories that you can never deny. This is going to be a long process for me, well it's going to be an endless pain, that's what i know now. But i GOD  is with me all throughout this journey. The road might be tough but i have steady hand that i can hold on to. Soon i will be facing the places and people that will tear my heart into pieces, and i dont how i will be when that comes, i hope i will get on with it gracefully like woman who lost her husband in a battle. I have done nothing wrong so that i will stand tall not to the people  but to GOD whom i made a promise .

over..

i was able to talk to him today,and i've heard what i just needed to hear from him.  now i can finally move on and never worry weather he's ok or not. he has a girlfriend already so he's getting on with life. im happy for him. just as what he needed. oh yeah, it really hurts to the highest level,but GOD is with me, HE readed me for this moment and HE see to it that HE made me feel that HE's there. as for me, i dont know as to when i'll be over this whole thing, but i am happy nevertherless knowing that he's happy..no matter how hard life's situation is, if you let GOD in control of everything...things will become lighter..and i've proven that.

and just like the rose i've found in my garden this morning GOD will lay HIS hands on me and adore me forever

"Mahal Mo Ba Ako?"

This is a phrase that always pops-up in my head every minute of the day,specially when im alone not just alone,but feeling lonely.We all have our lonely moments,even when we are in a crowded place, loneliness struck us sometimes. So this phrase "Mahal mo ba ako?" is always in my hard head. I keep on asking myself why?, but i dont seem to get the answer. Maybe because i have not felt it with my past relationships who seemed to tell me that they love me but left me in the end?! Or maybe i just want  an assurance that the people whom i love really do care for me for who i am. "Walang iwanan" is really hard to keep up, specially if you are both strangers just met somewhere along the way, and manage to get along pretty well. But i've discovered that there is really a limitation to that phrase. Is "Walang iwanan" means that if you do stand by it really means you love the person? Coz for me it is.  But then sometimes you left someone because you love the person so much that you dont want that person to suffer  and just want that person to be happy, though you would suffer from that separation..I dont know, but i for myself would like to just lift all my sufferings to GOD and let HIM do the loving that i am needing. As i am writing this, i realized i found the answer to the phrase" Mahal mo ba ako?",and everytime i am asking that question is when im all by myself and just talking to myself, and my heart is GOD's home, so the answer is YES, GOD loves me so much, that's why i am here still alive and experiencing HIS goodness.  Thank you GOD...