it's almost CHRISTMAS!!! i dont really have much happy memories during christmas. i stopped dreaming of christmas when mom worked abroad. ofcourse the only thing that really excites me during this season is that it's jesus' birthday and carolers, misa de gallo, christmas card from mom. for most kids  christmas is the happiest month of the  year coz they will receive lots of gifts and parties and food, but not for me. as i was growing up, christmas has been the most stressful month for me. more stressful than final exams actually. you know why? because it was during this month that you have to attend parties at school, exchange gifts. i was not wxcited joining parties coz i didnt know if i would be able to pay the christmas contribution or the exchanging of gifts. dad didnt care, but it's part of the school activity, attendance was needed. most of the time i didnt participate in the exchanging of gifts coz i didnt want that my christmas baby wont be able to accept a gift from me or be disappointed with my gift. i remember going home during lunch time coz i didnt have food to eat coz it was a "bring your own food" party. i just waited for my sisters to meet me in our meeting place and just went home. maybe that was the reason why everytime i see and hear kid carolers i see the real meaning of christmas. i still believe in santa...santa could be any of us..i so love christmas coz i see a lot people happy, family bonding together. ..

how can you stay away from getting hurt? all my life i've been trying to shield myself from pain and the people who've hurt me are the ones i deeply love. that is more painful. if you are not hurt, then you are not loving. can i just put a lock on my super bruiced heart. i want a total transformation of myself. how can i do that? if only i can delete something. i dont talk to anybody regarding how i feel. how things are going. what's goin on in my mind. what's hurting me, anything that is painful i dont talk about it to people? why? because i dont know how to open up. i was 9 when mom left to work abroad, dad has been there physically but doesnt care at all. he was always out and left me with my 4 sisters to take care of. the hardships as a child, taught me to be distant and self restraint. i dont know how to argue and people see it as a negative trate. they just dont understand. i was always crying when i was growing up. i dont remember being happy while i was growing up. people just come and go in my young life. i 've heard a  lot of goodbyes when i was growing up. it was pretty normal to me already, though it was really painful but at an early age i have learned to accept things with an open heart. in  my young mind and heart i told myself  "whatever makes them happy". i've learned to just depend on myself and not to anybody. i thought i have found the joy that i have been longing for all my life. but it was just all pretentions and false promises. now as i looked back, i've realized that, none is really permanent in this world. and i am right that you only have yourself to depend on. you will never do something that'll hurt you but people will hurt you one way or another. i know i will carry this memory with me all through my life, and these will serve as a reminder to myself. i trust GOD that HE will always protect me just as HE  always do..

when one stops loving...

what's so scary about being inlove is losing the one you love.  destiny is not in your hands so weather you like it or relationship is about hellos and goodbyes. it's either or or you'll go on separate ways. you might end up being friends or enimies, or just prefer not to talk so things wont get worst. what do you usually expect when your in a relationship. a lot would say, honesty and fidelity. as for myself i thought honesty is enough to keep the relationship working. but as go along life and learn while falling, i learned that it's trust that give the realtionship spark and going.  trust is about listening and believing to your partner. yes you need to listen to others opinion but above all it's your partner's word that you will value most of all. above anyone else you should know your partner weather she/he is telling the truth. when you trust the person there will be no doubts and you allow your relationship to grow. if there's no trust in your heart you will allow others to go in the middle of your relationship and ruin everything. you create your own problem and a monster in you. you  are teaching your partner to stay away from you. i for myself is afraid to be involved again. not because i am afraid to fall in love, cause it's nice to give love and being loved. but because i dont wanna be in a situation were i will be scrutinized by the one i love. accused by someone whom you thought would be there for you. that for me is emotuonal torture which will forever be in my heart, and will leave a scar forever. yes i always say that life is a matter of choice. so chose to be happy than letting other people put me down. life is short to be wasted with harsh words that can ruin someones life. i leave at present, today is very important to me cause tomorrow is the result of whatt you are today. for now i just want to stop loving..i have good memories with me.. and there are people that when i think about put a smile on my lips. loving is hard when your heart is bruiced all over it. 

It's a Sunday..It's sunny and cloudy day. i didnt do much today, i opted to go out because of the unpredictable weather. as usual, i just inspire myself with positive thoughts.  i just wanna be positive with everything, though it's really a struggle for me these passing months to really smile and be happy. but i just remind myself of the struggles of others. i am still grateful cause i am not loosing my faith which is very important. that's what keeps me going and have a happy disposition inspite of. what's important is that my family believe me and loves me for who i am, though sometimes i questioned their faith in me. but ones the thought arises i just think of happy thoughts. i only have myself to hold on to and GOD.life is wonderful afterall. it's up to you how you would like to see it, you have the choice to be happy or sad. right now i am blocking myself from things and places that reminds of pain.  but ofcourse i know this will pass, the storm will end. i am almost there, i know the sky will clear at the right time. what is more painful than loosing the ones you truly love? i guess none. the world will stop for a while for me, but i am slowly getting there. thanks for reading my mind whoever you are. just keep on loving with all your heart and mind..it's nice to give love and receive one too.

love and kisses,

franz

  

nothing very special happened today. but i had a great day. as usual i always looked at that way. the only thing that's not so nice today is this girl who happened to be my cuz...but so paranoid and i guess she so insecure of herself.. i dont know what her problem is, and caused her to say those unfriendly words, and to think we have not met since ages. the last time i saw her was when she was still a baby. so obviously she doesnt know me at all, but what i've heard from her bro, that was when i was still talking with her bro, was that she suffered anxiety attact / depression before and he said she told them that she heard voices.and before hand she mentioned that she had been a victim of witchcraft. duh?! well i dont really know what exactly happened to her but it is really clear to me that she has emotional problem. so before i could say anything that might hurt her i removed her from my friends's list or else i will be the one getting hurt by her rudeness. but then,whatever her reason is she still managed to stalk me and left comments which i think is inappropriate, and she's using a different name, but unfortunately her real name came out in her profile ..she really thought i am that stupid? just because i was born yesterday? her family might be financially stable than ours but we have respect for others and she doesn't have the right to put me down.i dont know what to do with her actually. one thing's for sure, i will never ever trust her again, and things will never be the same again. too bad that because of other people's insecurity one becomes a victim. ..i just wish that she will learn to accept herself and respect others..and it's even crazy coz she's active in church's activities. ..talk about real CHRISTian. anyways, i am just cool, and i know i just have to keep my silence so it wont go too far. afterall patience is a virtue..thanks again for reading...hope you will have  avery goodnight..meteors can be visible tonight, so i'll try to watchout, the sky is clear so i might be able witness the shower..weeee

love

and

kisses

franz

 i had a great day, until this certain girl left a message on my multiply channel, and she's hiding in a different name..lumabas naman name nya sa add..waaaaaaaaa...kainis...i just dont know what she's up to. is it just simply envy or what? i just dont get it. i am just minding my own thing and happy with what others achieve. i guess she's just having a personal problem or something, but you know sometimes it bothers me cause she is harassing me. she is so insecure of herself, i can sense that. agggg...i know i should not be bothered by this...i just hope she'll be fine and happy with her life. anyways what makes me happy when i wake up every morning? aside from the fact that i am still alive, it my pets who are busy pulling me out of my bed when the sun is up...

 

first photo...my cats found a bug this morning as i a opened the door which made so excited but ofcourse i didn't allow them to hurt the bug..

second photo is my usual breakfast pandesal and coffee, 2 for me and 2 for my cats

3rd is our lunch  for today, and snow excited

thanks for reading...

love and kisses,

franz

hey there beautiful people! i just hope you all have a great day today just like i do.  what makes this day a lot more special is the fact that another filipino is victorious today in the world of sports.. i guess more than 1 cause i've heard django bustamante also won the champ in japan for pool sport and another in triathlon..hope im right boout that. anyways, i am also sad cause another pinoy, a boxer, won but in a comma for head injury. i pray for the strenght in his family. so i nonly watched the replay of the manny fight cause i wanted to be sure that he won the fight to be sure, cause it would be heart pounding for not knowing who would win. cant afford to see manny getting punched. i just hope that he will continue to be a better person because GOD is so good. the streets were empty again today because of the fight, no trics.  i dont like watching boxing when there are people around cause i am very noisy, i scream a lot...i have always been wanting to try boxing as an excercise, how i wish one of these days, when it's possible.  to make my viewing more enjoyable i made popcorn..

love it.

what have i learned today? well in everything you do always ask GOD for guidance. and beauty always starts from within. i have lots of wishes and HE knows the desires of my heart. and i know HE will give it to me if it's for me. one thing i've learned in life is being patient. thanks again for reading guys..my life is such a bore but i like to thank you for reading. this really helps me express my thoughts. this is not for bragging but blogging. we are an inspiration to one another. hope you will have a wonderful night. i cant wait for another beautiful day tomorrow. thanks for reading..

love and kiss,

franz

hi everyone...thank GOD it's saturday! why i love saturday? it's because i see lots of family getting together and it's their time to bond. no ill feelings on part though i dont really got to experience most of the time. my family has been far from each other since i was nine years old. not because we are a broken family but because of work, and it's a choice each us need to make in order to survive. no regrets, i am proud of my mom for doing that for us. i can only cry for missed moments, but all together it made me a better person.  the experience taught me a lot of things. i have so much emotion whenever the word  "family" is brought out in a conversation, cause i so value my family. they might not be able to feel it maybe but in my heart , i do. i feel disappointed of myself sometimes cause there are things that i want to do for them but there's nothing i can do bout it.i just pray and ask GOD for guidance.i know that i will have my time. i have learn to learn and be patient, cause when you pray for something, the asnwer could be yes, wait, or no.  we cant have everything we want. i will just do whichever i am needed and of joy to the people who truly love me. in GOD's right time everything will fall into it's place. as it is, im at peace so i believe everything will be well. be happy and believe in yourself...no matter what situation you're into. put GOD  in the center of everything, so  you wont have fear, doubt and sorrow...cry if you want to, cause afterall you are just human. tears are not signs of weakness but of courage to show that you are hurting and just want to cry...well thanks for taking time reading me today. i love to see you smile and loving yourself more than anything else...

love and kisses,

franz                
me and jag this morning.he is not supposed to go  out lately coz he scared someone few weeks back, but he was so excited upon seeing me. and i know what he wanted.please GOD keep us safe always as i just want this dog to be happy and enjoy his being a dog..

and after i gave him a nice bath..how relaxing is that for him...

a happy and good dog...he's enjoying it so much

happiness is a matter of choice.

hey guys...how's your day today? well mine is as usual very monotonous. same thing each day but i always see to it that i am happy with i am doing. like i always tell my friends and family happiness is a matter of choice. as you go through life, trials, sorrow, happiness, heartaches and more i guess, but those are part of life and growing up. you grow as you were hurt, you'll learn from your past, live today and make the most out today, tomorrow depends on how you live today. i am a person of today. i always value what is happening at present. i always ask for GOD's wisdom and understanding in anything i do. i dont push something that is ruining myself and doesnt help me as person and stop me from growing. what makes me happy? it's the people around who are happy too, and ofcourse my pets
they make me smile in the morning.kinda wierd to some but when you give out love without expecting in return, it's a therapy for all the heartaches you have experienced,unknowingly. i've read that in a book, so i guess that explains why i always have a smile on my face inspite of. ...i have chosen happiness over sorrow and pain. i love this medium on expressing my thoughts and this is one way of knowing myself as well. all in all i thank the ALMIGHTY FATHER for another day and i cant wait for a beautiful day tomorrow...thanks for reading me...

love and kisses,

franz

im glad my wound is geting better...it's itchy now..i've realized that with physical pain..as soon as the wound heals you will no longer remember how painful it was when it happened. but with emotional pain, you will always remember it. and somehow you get traumatized by the pain, and you promised yourself to never experience thesame pain again. you'd become so over protective of yourself. only GOD knows how much pain you felt and still feeling. no matter what people say, it's still you who can assure yourself of how you feel. it's easy for people to say what they wanna say, but who are they anyway? you dont awe them any explaining. what im saying is that, pain is part of everyone's lives. GOD will take away all the pain, and it's only with HIM that you will trully experience the REAL HAPPINESS ..

snow and i

This is my kitten snow..i fundly call her snowie if i would try to pet her, coz she would respond to it right away.she is just so adorable and very sweet. Her favorite toy is a crumpled piece of paper formed into ball or a small plastic wrap from candies. she almost died when she was barely 1 month old together with her brother white. there were three of them when their mom had them but the other one died when she was like a week old. Snow doesn't like to be around many cats, so i let her stay at the other room where she has her privacy. During meal time i would let her bro white eat with her at the other room, plus they wont eat the dry cat food i give to my other cats, snow and white's food is a mixture of dry and canned cat food.Snow loves to sleep on the bed with me, she doesn't care if i would squeezed her. She is very attentive and very lady like in anyway. i love her so much.

The reason for this

This is my first time to post a blog here. I have so much to say in my mind but i just don't know where to begin. Well i guess i'll have to start by asking myself " why I want to blog?" Well when this blogging is not yet famous, i used to just talk to myself in front of the mirror or whenever i am alone at home. Just about anything that pops out of mind. I asked questions to myslef and would answer it myself. That helped a lot since as i was growing up mother was working abroad, but she's home for good now. But still we are not able to patch up years of being not together cause i am already married. I find blogging helpful for me to relieve my tensions, anxities, anger, anything that i want to say actually that i couldn't say to anybody. Not many people understand my being quiete and being an introvert me, but really i guess there's really nothing wrong with that, cause for me whatever i can't say to someone, i will say it to myself and everything will be fine. wierd me, but no, each of us has it's own way of dealing certain issues it's just about respecting each other. well im just so glad that blog is here..i will be able to say what's on my mind..and probobly there are people who might be just the same as me...that's it for now....